bodies born to heal
by Nagiru
Summary: Martha Jones, the Woman Who Walked the Earth. The woman whose faith saved the world. The woman who loved the Doctor. The woman who left the Doctor.


**bodies born to heal**

**A/N:** I'm still not completely sure about Martha's story, but… well. I also don't know what else do edit, so, this is it, I guess.

So, uh, you'll see there's some… feelings involved. Martha's were expected, of course, but, while writing I got to the idea that the Doctor might have loved every single one of his friends, and I wanted to try to write that with Martha, so… ah.

Anyway. Hope you like it!

**Tags and additional notes:** character study, relationship study, unrequited/one-sided love, canon compliant, The Year That Never Was.

**Disclaimer: Doctor Who and the characters (and the song where I took the title from) do not belong to me, but to their respective owners.**

* * *

_Our questions ricochet_

_Like broken satellites_

_How our bodies, born to heal_

_Become so prone to die?_

— "_Mars", Sleeping At Last_

**.**

She was brilliant, but sharp in a way that was almost rude; she was serious, and cynical, and judgmental, and… _(Not Rose)_

And smart and cheerful and so, so _caring_. She was a doctor. A proper one, not a _farce_ like him. She was one of those doctors who _cared_, who _healed_, instead of causing more damage. One that tried to understand so she could help, not because she was so bloody _curious_.

He had to face it; he… liked her. He liked how she smiled with her whole face, and how she was never _afraid_, despite her fears. How she always rose to any challenge, how she kept surprising him, how she was just so… so bloody… _amazing_.

She was bright enough that she would be allowed to be as arrogant as she liked, yet she was… kind. Brave. Cheerful. _Sweet_.

Brilliant enough to charm Shakespeare, brilliant enough to surprise even _Daleks_… yet, there she was, grinning and blushing and so in _love_ with him.

(he tries not to see it. Tries to ignore it, so it will go away)

(_tries to focus on it, to forget the heaviness in his hearts, to let go of a wide smile he'll never see again_)

She was… perfect, he realized. She'd take anything he showed her, any wonder he threw at her, and be so _enchanted_ with it. She'd take any test he could try to put her trough and pass them with flying colours. She'd take any of his promises with a grain of salt, and _force him_ to keep them.

She was _marvellous_.

Yet, he just… couldn't see her the way she wanted. Couldn't even… couldn't even _look past Rose_, and that was a disfavour to _Martha_. Because _Martha Jones_ was standing before him, brave and determined and full of fire, and she was an amazing woman, she was a brilliant doctor, she was…

She was not enough, sometimes, or _too much_, other times, and he just…

He tried to distract himself. There were so many challenges, so many mysteries to look into, so many clues to chase… so many _opportunities_.

_(so many mistakes; so many chances one of his errors will come back for him, and this time… this time…)_

There was always something killing something, always a distress call to answer, a…

_(memory unbidden, or a lie to keep, or a…)_

Lie to unravel.

Martha Jones was not Rose Tyler and she'd never be, and nothing he ever did would ever change that. No matter the places he took her, or the tests he made her go through, and he _understood_ that.

He did.

It just took him a whole year that never was. A year of putting all his hopes on a single woman, on a single woman's _love_. It took him his oldest friend, his greatest enemy, and his deepest desire, for him to realize that… Martha Jones is not Rose Tyler, but… he had been wrong, after all.

He did love her.

He just loved what she'd never be anymore.

Not after all he did to her.

_(yet, he corrected himself once again: he loved this face of her, too. This person who could leave him, who was strong enough to live on her on, to live _without him_. Someone who could look at the danger and destruction he brought and decide she wanted better._

_Better than him.)_


End file.
